Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I will never understand human beings and the fact that they cannot deal with honesty. Yes it hurts but it is much preferable to the hurts inflicted by lies and obfuscations. The truth is the truth. It is and therefore we have to deal with it. Lies and hiding just add in my universe insult to injury. They make it so that I can never trust or want to deal with a human, or a certain group of humans again. Hurt me once shame on you, after that its shame on me for stepping into the same fucking bear trap.

Basically where this is all coming from is a basic lack of respect I'm getting from my life, from both the professional and personal ends. I feel like lately I have had a sign on my head that has read "Human Doormat, Please Walk All Over." And I'm fucking done. I'm pissed and tired and hurt and really trying to resist the urge to pull the covers over my head and maybe come up for air when its better. Either that or land my ass in jail for assault and battery as well as arson.

It stems from a lot of the shit I've spent the last few years dealing with. Namely if I'm not PropsChris who the hell am I. And what have I done to land myself in this unenviable position of wage slave to the coffee needing masses? The most frustrating part is I can't figure it out at all. There doesn't seem to be an event or choice or series of events that landed me here. If I could then I could learn and make adjustments and get the fuck on with shit. That's all I want some fucking honesty and some answers.