So tonight was the night I almost didn’t post. Not that anyone other than me would be disappointed in that fact. Hell I’m not sure if anyone is reading this. Blogging like this seems to be, at least to me, like casting a message in bottle out in to the ocean. Except that I there is a chance that I might get a response. It’s an interesting paradox. Throwing something off into the Void with the expectation that one might get a response. It seems to be a fundamentally human urge. We did send Voyager out into the unknown, not expecting contact, but hoping for it. Odd. Anywhose on one hand I’m not sure if anyone is reading this, but just in case I don‘t want to offend. Strange, it is at once very liberating, supposedly being able to state your opinions through the veil of time and anonymity, and at the same time censoring oneself, just in case. Odd in deed.
Not much happened today. Work and hanging out with a friend and chance encounter with another whilst buying beer. I think that’s what I love about this city. The fact that if I am in the People’s Republic there is a good chance of running into someone I know, and, that if I wander out to other neighborhoods I am just another anonymous person. Its like have a small town and city at once. So that when you tire of one you can go visit the other.
I have to say that I like the fact that I run into friends and acquaintances on the street. I spent most of my 20s as nomad, and if I ran into someone that I knew, it probably meant that I worked with them. And that they were just as much of a foreigner or outsider as I was. It’s been a long time since I have truly gotten the opportunity to get to know an organic neighborhood. A place that has developed and changed over time and really wasn’t planned.
I never liked living out in the suburbs; it always felt so artificial, fake and unnatural. Everything was chains and anything that wasn’t was in the process of being forced out. It always felt like a very transient place to me. A place without roots. Or maybe that was because, living in the suburbs also coincided with the time that I lost my physical link to my roots.
Even so, in this city that is almost a thousand miles from my childhood, I feel that are roots, even if most us who live here are transplants. It’s also the first place that I have lived permanently since leaving my parents home. Maybe that is the reason for my attachment. After all it is very odd for me to be attached to this city.
Had I told myself even 4 years ago that I would live in Atlanta and love it; I would have laughed at myself. I mean I’m terribly far away from home and any long established support network. There are no mountains. No easily accessible woods. It’s really fucking hot in the summer, and no snow. But there are amazing people who have surprisingly become a support network in a very short amount of time. Wonderful neighborhoods for me to explore. Awesome music that reminds me why I enjoy going out to see bands. Interesting architecture that changes styles every couple of streets. Several really good bookstores. Secret hidden parks that you can walk past a thousand times before you notice them, tucked into a hill below the road. Places where in the midst of the city all the noise seems to recede. The scuzziness and the danger. The way the city forces me to pay attention. The odd community that seems to have surrounded me while still leaving me with ability to have my space.
It’s a city of paradoxes. After all I live in a city lacking a central identity where each neighborhood seems to have a very defined one. However those defined identities are very fluid and change with years. It’s a city that more so than anywhere else reminds me of an organism. Like a coral reef. Made up of many unique individual parts that don’t seem to follow a unified pattern, but that create a wonderful chaotic whole.
Maybe I’m just attracted to cities. I’m always curious why they sprout up where they do and why some endure while others fade. What makes people love them and hate them? Why does one place speak to some people while at the same moment drive others away. How they are able to be places of tight knit communities and at the same time harbor soul aching loneness. Maybe I just like paradoxes.
Till Tomorrow- C
PS The cricket in my kitchen wall seems to have vacated my apartment. Either that or its really been digging the music I’ve been playing.